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I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about.. well everything. Just when I think it would be a good idea to do something I stop and question myself after I've already decided on something.
I want to go back to school for a couple of different things, but then I sit down and think what would be more realistic.. for me to go back to school to be a Radiologist so I can make more money and pretty much go wherever I want to go or just stay where I am and see what happens? Its hard for me to decide because I feel that no matter what choice I make it might lead to something distasterous. I've decided I wanted to go, but I'm just wondering how its going to be going to work and school full time for 2 years.
I've also been thinking about all the time I don't have to do things and spend time with people. I don't get to see my family much, nor talk to my friends, or spend much time with my man. I feel that I'm spread thin and I feel trapped. I feel alone even though I'm not. I guess maybe I'm missing something in my life that I used to have that I miss far too much now that I'm living without it. What that "it" could be I do not know. It could be many things.
Its possible that real life things are getting to me. I just want a more meaningful life than the work, sleep and eat. I try to make the best of things that are here and going on, but then sometimes it all wells up and its just too much to handle. Maybe my problem is that I shrug things off to easily and don't really deal with things. But its hard when I can't talk about what I care about or how I feel to anyone I love because they never seem to understand even if they say they do.
Sometimes I just wish I could turn back time and stay in a perticular time in my life and just live there until I'm gone.
Sometimes I just want to say fuck everything and everyone and leave everything behind and go somewhere new and start fresh.. but then it makes me wonder if it'd just turn out all the same.Current Mood:  discontent |
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Gah! I got my Chow Chow that I've wanted for the last 4 years. She so cute. We haven't named her yet so if you have any suggestions I'd love to hear them.
 Current Mood:  excited |
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I've just been busy. So after working countless hours and months I've decided that I just can't handling living here anymore. I've busted my ass in the last 3 months to put together some new artwork. Unfortunately I still have a way to go. I've started my website however and I have a few new peices up my sleeve that I'm pretty excited about. I have contact information for multiple jobs that I plan on applying to within the next two weeks. I just have to get a pdf creator.
My finacial situation never fails to surprise me. I'm so used to being broke and hungry now that sometimes it doesn't even bother me anymore. I'm just tired of borrowing money from people.
Two weeks ago I had my gall bladder taken out. It was nice to be off from work, but I didn't get as much stuff done as I wanted to. I don't get much time to relax and be lazy so I guess that was my time to do that.
I've recently been trying to contact some of my online friends that I haven't talked to in ages. I talk to pinchy on and off mostly through email because we're never on aim at the same time. I've also been in contact with Mitch, but only through offline message through yahoo. I really wish I could get a hold of Cody though. I don't even remember if I've ever had his email. So I guess if anyone can help me get some contact information so I can get a hold of him I would appreciate it. I had a really good talk with sean one day. It was nice to be able to talk to him for a few hours. I'm just glad he's doing well. I talked to marco a few weeks before I talked to sean and I was a little worried. I was hoping that nothing bad happened to him. It was really nice to hear from Marco too. He was talking to me about Jess and that made me want to stop by that palace sometime just to see how everyone was doing. I've just been kind of curious about what everyone has been up to lately. I guess maybe because I haven't talked to many in ages. I don't know who really wants to talk to me and who doesn't anymore. I've thought about coming back to palace every once in awhile, but everything just isn't like it used to be. I miss the old days, but I know that I can't live in the past. Everything must move forward I suppose. I still just miss the friends I used to have. Its nice to know that they're all doing well though.
Chris, I don't know if you read my journal or not. The last time I checked yours you didn't update in ages. I honestly am sorry and concerned to hear what is happening. I've always valued you as a friend even though we've never really talked much. I've always wanted to get to know you better, but I know its hard to talk sometimes. Maybe we just need to find the right things to talk about. I hope that you message me sometime, if not though, then that's fine too, I guess. |
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Jan. 6th, 2006 @ 03:18 am
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So here I am at 3 a.m. sitting in the chair waiting for my back to stop aching. The pain is less frequent and not quite as bad as it used to be. Visiting the chiropractor has helped me out so much, but its going to take time to get back to normal. I don't know if I posted this in another entry or not, but my spine is starting to curve again, therefore causing me pain in my mid to upper back and keeping me up most of the night. I also found out that I have some degenerating bones down by my tailbone. Nothing really serious, but it could have gotten worse if it wasn't detected. But on top of all that my knee hurts on and off. I was told it was caused by my joints rubbing together or one being a little over the other or something like that. I'm just trying to hang in here as best as i can without driving everyone around me nuts from complaining about how much it hurts.
I'm so tired,but even though I could fall asleep right now, it won't be longand i'll be up again because my back hurts.
Oh, well. |
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Jan. 2nd, 2006 @ 01:49 pm
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Jeez, haven't updated since halloween. Debating on how much I should write otherwise I might be here for awhile. Heh.
Work is work like always. I haven't been drawing too much, but I've been wanting so bad for the longest time now.
I'm pretty broke at the moment, I spent way too much at christmas. My parents were suppose to get me a washer and dryer, but I don't know if I'm still going to be getting them or not. I gave so much stuff to people this christmas and I didn't get much back, not that that matters but damn I spent so much money. >.< I got a few new games and some clothes and other things I wanted, mostly stuff I can use so I guess its all good. Christmas otherwise wasn't really that great... as usual.
I finally got cable last friday so I'm hoping I can be on a little more.
I have a lot of new games and movies. I bought myself the Aeon Flux animation series and only watched about half of it, House of Flying Daggers, which always makes me cry, the anniversary edition of Edward Scissorhands, love that movie since I was little, Steamboy, which I've been dying to get my hands on for about a year now. the collector's edition of the Dark Crystal, its one of those sets that have an actual film frame from the movie, so that's pretty cool. As far as movies that's about it besides all the movies I've rented.
As far as games I've gotten Dance Dance Revolution Extreme 2 with the dance pad, I bought myself .hack//mutation, the 2nd game, Harry Potter 3 and 4, I've already beat 3, just have to do little side things here and there, but basically I've finished it. I've got some Sonic the Hedgehog game that I haven't even opened yet, Hello Kitty Roller Rescue and I'm already stuck on this one part because I'm not doing something fast enough. >.< then i have another game that I really like a lot. It reminds me of Final Fantasy a bit as far as storyline and fighting and such, but your moves you have to chose by cards and when you use a card so many times sometimes it changes into something else. Its pretty neat, but I can't recall the name right now. Baten Kiatos or something really close to that. I'm almost finished with that game as well. I'm on the final boss guy and I haven't lasted very long so I might have to go around and level up some.
I had a pretty nice little vacation, but sometimes I did get kinda bored. I guess I'm ready to go back to work. Although its not really that kind of work I want to go back to. I've also been thinking about checking around for colleges and such that have good, but affordable master programs. I'm thinking about checking outside of the country in hopes that it might be cheaper. I'm also trying to look for a place where I only have to go for a short period of time, because I'm already in debt. So maybe I'll wrap this up soon and start looking for that.
Its funny because now that I'm online I can't remember half of the stuff that I wanted to do when I wasn't.
I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year. Sean, Billy, Meggy, Chris, the other Chris. and everyone else I haven't mention. (sorry I'm in a hurry :/) |
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![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) koneko_seiteki's Halloween party:
_xxshort_supply dressed as a 1960's hippie child.
absolutecynic dressed as Courtney Love.
akki_nayamashii dressed as the love child of Al Pacino and Natalie Portman.
anoice dressed as Benjamin Harrison.
cosmicscoundrel dressed as Tom Clancy.
empathicfrost dressed as a DRLB Products employee.
erik3k dressed as a disturbing self-made character called "Poopsie Gorillapants".
ffilter_me_outt dressed as your mother-in-law.
fire_auro dressed as a mummy.
flidian dressed as Wile E. Coyote.
grishnaakh dressed as a elk.
lumennoyume dressed as the main character of "Manhattan".
matrixvisuals dressed as a sub-adjunct system administrator.
meev dressed as Mary-Kate Olsen with her very own conjoined Ashley.
melfina2005 dressed as a pixie.
mitsukai_nai dressed as the President of Macedonia.
myakugrey dressed as the Governor of Montana.
myfutureself dressed as a rich velocity.
riderof_death didn't even show up and doesn't get any candy.
sarkyone dressed as Osama bin Laden.
spiffy1234 dressed as Optimus Prime.
tastyramen dressed as a moral zombie, though it looked more like Ricky Martin.
wagahai dressed as Faith Hill's grandfather.
xforevergonex dressed as a character from Harry Potter and the Wizard of Bone.
xkokopellix dressed as a disappearance.
Throw your own party at the Hallomeme!
Created with phpNonsense
Oct. 31st, 2005 @ 11:03 am
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| » updating for my pleasure. |
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i'm finally moving into a townhouse, unforunetly its not that far from my parents house. -.- But at least I don't have to be treated like a child anymore. The place is pretty nice; it has an upstairs and downstairs. 1 and a half bathrooms, a pretty big kitchen, and i can hardly wait to move in. It should be pretty soon though. By the 1st.
how nice was that. a surprise IM from mitch. Its nice to talk to people that i haven't talked to in quite some time. funny how you agree with someone that you'll always keep in touch with eachother no matter what, but somehow one or both of the people become busy with "whatever" to really keep in touch. Its also funny how one person tries so hard to keep in touch and up to date with the lives of people that they care about, but those people have been too caught up with things to notice or realize this. Iming is so convinent, but it seems so hard to open up one's email account and email someone. Funny how some people can be so easily forgotten by being so busy.
the job thing is going. i guess that's all i can say. i make enough to get by. i'd have to be to get an apartment. I'm still waiting on american greetings to give me a reply. they still have 3 illustration openings and i hope to fill one of them. I've almost giving up hope on target, but i'm still going to send them a few things, but that probably won't make too much of a difference when it comes down to it, but who really knows. I guess i'll have to email some of my things to some of my college friends and see what they think. i don't know. but i'm crossing my fingers for american greetings. if i get the job i'll most likely be moving to ohio. i've never been anywhere near there, but I'm not afraid to move far away anymore. i'd move anywhere that would benefit me. I hate my hometown. its benefiting me at the moment, but i'm promising myself that this is only temporary.
my cats are so cute and sleeping. *randomness*
i'm also thinking about getting a new car well.. not a brand new car, but a new car. I've been searching around here a little bit and there are some places where i can make monthly payments that aren't out of the ass. i'm thinking about getting an Eclipse if i can get my hands on one. I'm also thinking about doing some detailing on it, such as graphics. however i will not spill the beans on what my idea is, let's just say it'll be asian influenced.
well, now that i've wasted a bunch of my time online, i shall get dressed and get ready for work.
bye bye.
p.s. I can hardly wait for Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire to come out. *jumps up and down and squeals*
Oct. 26th, 2005 @ 11:57 am
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| » should i or shouldn't i update? |
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i'm miserable, but as usual i'm the only one that cares. living with my parents is giving me massive mood swings and the pressure and stress of work, finding an apartment and a new job (or FINALLY an art job) and worring about all my loans.
but as always if i'm not right there talking to someone i never get to talk to them.
i miss minneapolis so much that i'd shave my head just to move back. but however i feel slightly better knowing that my friends from MCAD are feeling the stress and worry too. i just wish i was over there. i think it would be a lot easier on me.
i'm also finally getting up enough courage to tell brian off. especially after he showed up at my grandma's funeral. his sister works at the same place i do, just a different shift, and she tells me almost everyday how much of a jerk he's become.
i still haven't drawn much since i graduated. its really sad and makes me really sad, but i have been drawing on and off lately. at least i've been trying to. i haven't really had much luck with inspiration either, but for some reason last night at work i had this burst of creative ideas. i surprised myself and also gave myself a little hope. i won't say what my ideas are or anything, but i'm hoping that i can finish something really soon. i'm also working toward making and having my website posted by jan. 1. i'm working on ideas for a layout because my old one just doesn't seem managable. i still might do everything in flash though. i might as well use it as long as i have it. which still reminds me. i have to get photoshop for my laptop.
i lost my arch supports sometime in late july, so my feet have slowly been getting worse and now i've noticed that my ankle has swollen up like it used to be before i had my arch supports. so that means that i'm going to have to get new ones soon or my feet won't be so nice to walk on anymore.
i really miss a lot of things, but i still feel out of the picture... somehow.
Sep. 8th, 2005 @ 11:33 am
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| » mumblings |
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i'm working on a new layout, but now that my pc is gone i can't. i don't have much left in my apartment right now except clothes, food, my cats, and some other junk that couldn't fit in my dad's truck. so it seems these last few days are my last here and each day only seems to depress me more. yesterday i did a massive illustration job search and applied to a few and saved a few so i can write a cover letter as soon as i get back to my parents. i'm really going to try to get my ass going on getting some art done and getting an art job, because god knows how long i'll be stuck around my hometown if i don't. target has so many openings right now so i have to get my ass in gear and send my stuff back to them. also feeling a little bummed out because people that i have graduated with have gotten some freelance jobs and are making some money at doing what they love and i haven't gotten shit yet. i haven't really drawn since i graduated. everyone has problems. my cat is in such a crabby mood. she has been for the last few days and i think she knows that something's going on, but she isn't quite sure yet. i filled out some applications while i was at my parents a few weeks back and one of them called back and i had to call them back to set up a time for an interview. so the day i was suppose to do that i didn't know i had to do that by 3:30 and my mom calls me half yelling at me... and then she gives me the number, which i memorized anyway and i call it and its busy for like 15 - 20 minutes. so i finally get through and here its the wrong number. my mom gave me the wrong number, but alright because i really didn't want to work at that place anyway. i had a dream last night. it was pretty cool and rather kiddish. maybe its from reading too much harry potter. speaking of which i so wanted to get the new book when it came out, but i was given this card that garenteed that i got a book and also took $10 off and i packed it. -.- so i have to wait until i get home find it and then run about an hour away just to get my harry potter book. but eh. whatever. but i am happy that i'm more than half way through the 4th book. then i can start on the fifth. my goal is to finish the 4th book before the movie comes out and i think that i'm going to do it. i spend a lot of time yesterday and the day before reading so i've probably read more than 200 pages in both of those days. i happen to be on page 426 out of 734 pages. i haven't read this long of a book in quite a long time. i feel like i'm talking to myself again, but i don't really care. when i got on my laptop i thought about checking my DA and other things, but now that i'm talking about harry potter i really don't feel like it. i left my job at the deli on tuesday and i almost cried afterwards. sometimes i really liked working there and other times i didn't. they hired a shit load of people too. at least 5 new people. also another things if anyone likes jrock you should check out Balzac. they're punk, but sometimes they sound jrockish too. sean. check them out. i'm not sure if you can download them or not, but i don't think they would be too hard to find. they're on the misfits record label and i found they're cd at bestbuy. lol. plus i thought that we were going to keep in touch more and if i didn't send you an email after the last one that you sent me then its my fault. i've been busy and feeling down for awhile. don't know if you can tell or not. i want to be really lazy right now and play video games, but being really lazy and reading harry potter is just as good.
bye bye.
Jul. 22nd, 2005 @ 10:06 am
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| » (No Subject) |
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i haven't died yet, but does that even matter anymore. i don't see very many people showing me that i matter. i'm sick and tired of everything right now. when i was in the search for better days things fall apart futher. i lost my shoes and my precious arch supports. i'm in agony everyday i go to work. the weather is too hot as usual and some people just down right piss me off and taking everything the wrong fucking way. i miss how my life used to be even if i was on the computer all the time.. at least i was happy right? i getting to the point where i'm once again feeling that i need to eliminate some people from my life.. people that bring me down and drag me down. people that wouldn't keep me from doing what i love. i feel like crying, but who's going to be there to catch them? i know the things that i need and want, but it seems...
hopeless.
i don't regret much, but every choice a person makes and all the things that happen in that person's life have made them (hopefully) a better person than they were yesterday. makes them appreciate the people they love, the places they've been, and many more things. a person learns something almost everyday, weather big or small. and mistakes are made just as easily, but to make yourself that better person is to learn from the wrongs that have been done. you can't get along with everyone in this world, but it doesn't hurt to try. its stupid to say that friends and family are less important than your inimate relationships, but they are equally if not more important. its true that some friends and family may not be the most reliable people when you're in need, but there are people out there that do care, but sometimes you have to take that first step and show that you care about them first.
...
i can only think of one person that always treated me how i've wanted to be treated, talk to me the way i wanted to be talked to, and have never really fought with.
p.s. i really wish i could play RO.
Jul. 17th, 2005 @ 03:33 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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i'm starting to think i do this for my own amusement....
Jun. 21st, 2005 @ 06:01 am
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| » in progress. |
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new layout in progress...
miyavi again. yes. i haven't found that many recent dir en grey pictures so what's the point of using old pictures that people have seen billions of times? but i guess in some ways that would hardly matter since not many people read my journal anyway.
anyway......
Jun. 12th, 2005 @ 12:55 pm
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| » how oddly true.. |
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Your #1 Match: INFJ
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The Protector
You live your life with integrity, originality, vision, and creativity.
Independent and stubborn, you rarely stray from your vision - no matter what it is.
You are an excellent listener, with almost infinite patience.
You have complex, deep feelings, and you take great care to express them.
You would make a great photographer, alternative medicine guru, or teacher. |
Your #2 Match: INFP
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The Idealist
You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world.
Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships.
It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close.
But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop.
You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist. |
Your #3 Match: ENFJ
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The Giver
You strive to maintain harmony in relationships, and usually succeed.
Articulate and enthusiastic, you are good at making personal connections.
Sometimes you idealize relationships too much - and end up being let down.
You find the most energy and comfort in social situations ... where you shine.
You would make a good writer, human resources director, or psychologist. |
Your #4 Match: ENFP
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The Inspirer
You love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends.
You are also unconventional, irreverant, and unimpressed by authority and rules.
Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives.
You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're qutie the storyteller!
You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist. |
Your #5 Match: ISFJ
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The Nurturer
You have a strong need to belong, and you very loyal.
A good listener, you excell at helping others in practical ways.
In your spare time, you enjoy engaging your senses through art, cooking, and music.
You find it easy to be devoted to one person, who you do special things for.
You would make a good interior designer, chef, or child psychologist. |
Jun. 5th, 2005 @ 12:20 pm
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| » my design for web blog assignment. |
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http://students.mcad.edu/~kponcek/d4w/wordpress/
this is my design for web blog assignment/final and if anyone could give me some comments about the images displayed that would be great, but keep in mind that they should be respectable and related comments to the subject otherwise they will just be deleted.
thanks. <3
Apr. 17th, 2005 @ 02:31 am
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| » (No Subject) |
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i think this is a new beginning. let's make the best of it.
Apr. 7th, 2005 @ 01:38 am
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| » Oi, the craziness. |
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...and life continues, but now with a new laptop, printer, scanner, color copier and great programs, that however doesn't include photoshop as of yet :[, but it'll be ok. i should be getting all my equipment sometime over spring break. I'm not really going to have much time to relax because i have so much of my senior project to do.
I've got about 4 or 5 weeks left of school so within that time i have to get my senior project done, which means 7 peices in 5 weeks x.x, plus my other homework for my other classes and i still have to get an internship or i can't graduate. i have someone that is interested in hiring me for an internship, but i haven't heard anything for a couple of days. wait, wait, wait.
I'm totally excited about my web design class now. we're learning vaguely about flash and i already have my menu page done and by the 28th or so, whenever we have class again, we're suppose to have 3/4th of our side done to present to the class to see what is working and what isn't. Its going to be easier for my to learn flash because its one of the programs my mum bought for me. so soon i'm going to be looking for a host for my website and it should be up and running before may or in early may. i think my website is pretty cute. its filled full of cats of course. i still have some things to work out on it though and figure out the actionscripting better and i should be alright.
I have a chance to get another cat... lol of course its grey.. all my cats are grey (all cats are grey, but the thing is.. i don't know where or when i'm going to be getting a job and i don't know how they will react to each other anyway. i think its kind of a busy time for me right now. i hardly get to play with keiko anymore and she seems to be more testy than she used to be. she slept with me last night though.
i've been looking for new apartments and i've found this one that is great. i walked in and didn't even really look around and it felt like someplace that i could be happy living in. its a really nice one bedroom in uptown, in a pretty quiet neighborhood it seems and its not too far from the lakes. Parking is finally included with the rent, but i have to pay a $250 deposit for keiko. i don't know if i'll be able to get the place or not. i guess its going to be ready about may and my lease isn't up until june 1st. *sigh* i'll just have to wait and see what's going on and if i can even afford the place. its almost $700 a month.
i applied to some places, but i haven't really heard much back yet. in may i'll be making pomotional cards and things and start sending them to a shitload of companies directing them to my website. i hope to be doing some of my own work as well as actually working. but time will tell because there is no telling what the future will bring for me.
i've been playing a little bit of final fantasy 7 here and there, i think its kinda interesting, but i'm not that far into the game either. i don't like the graphics very much, lol, but i can deal with them. i also bought another squaresoft game called unlimited saga and i haven't gotten really far in that either, mostly due to time and because i'm not totally sure i like how the game plays yet, but i'm going to keep playing it and i may grow to love it. i still have to finish final fantasy tactics and i've decided that when i get a job that i'm going to buy crystal chronicles for gamecube, i've also decided that when i get out of college that i may play RO some more. I haven't played in quite a few months and find that i'm missing it, but i just don't have time for it right now.
*sigh*
i've got a lot of things to do today, wash clothes, homework, eat.. you know.
Mar. 19th, 2005 @ 01:52 pm
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| » Friends Only. |
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comment and i shall add you.
Dec. 2nd, 2004 @ 01:44 pm
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